What does it mean by anew
when everything else is back for the old.

Tell me.
Rubbish.

And yes i m sick and tired of hearing the same advice going, 'you can have a new start, right here!'.
It is only by experience that i therefore found out that there is nothing. While everyone and everything else is stuck to the past, no one lets go. I try. But it is impossible.
Anger, towards i don't know what. I tell you, its rubbish. Total rubbish, garbage, whatever.


Mood swings.


Where's that part without struggles, where's the chapter of peace, where's my part of the story.

Stories,
retrieved from the bin.
Bin i tell you!

Happy ever afters? Nah, no such thing.


Mood swings.


But God, where are you? I need your presence, i need your love, i need your comfort, i need your shelter. Oh God, Jesus, i'm desperate. It's been bad, tough, and i know that i haven't been consistent, Oh Lord, it's my mistake.

Forgive me.




Psalms 38

O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

For your arrows have pierced me,
and your hand has come down upon me.

Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
my bones have no soundness
because of my sin.

My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.

My wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.

I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.

My back is filled with searing pain;
there is no health in my body.

I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.

My heart pounds, my strength failes me;
even the light has gone from my eyes.

My friends and companions aviod me
because of my wounds;
my neighbors stay far away.

Those who seek my lifeset their traps,
those who would harm me talk of my ruin;
all day long they plot deception.

I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear,
like a mute, who cannot open his mouth;

I have become like a man who does not hear,
whose mouth can offer no reply.

I wait for you, O Lord;
you will answer, O Lord my God.

For I said, 'Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips.'

For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.

I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.

Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.

Those who repay my good with evil slander me when I pursue what is good.

O Lord, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.

Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.