The hand that holds the world, is holding mine.

Lord, you have placed me in trials that i've often avoided. But i know that you want me to overcome them rather than to just hide from it or shove it one side.

I love you Jesus.

Lord you are more precious than silver,

Lord you are more costly than gold,

Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds,

and Nothing i desire, compares to you.

Thank you Lord for such a wonderful time of worship today. Indeed, better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. I'd rather be your doorkeeper in your house than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

God has His ways of cheering us up. Really. I love Him so much.

Taste of my own medicine?

hmm.

More like a trial and shaking that is tough.

But i know God will bring me through.

The Lord is my refuge, my comfort and shelter.

He is my provider, my portion.

Was listening to La Campanella from Liszt, and decided to go research a bit on it.

Religious influence

From his earliest years, Liszt expressed a deep devotion to the Almighty and desired to enter the priesthood rather than pursue a career in music. He once wrote his mother, "You know, dearest mother, how during the years of my youth, I dreamed myself incessantly into the world of the saints. Nothing seemed to me so self-evident as heaven, nothing so true and so rich in blessedness as the goodness and compassion of God."

Though his lifestyle often belied his religious convictions, he nonetheless continued to espouse religious ideals in the most profound manner, especially as they pertained to music. Once writing to a friend, he stated, "I have taken a serious stand as a religious, Catholic composer. Among the composers I know, none has a more intense and deeper feeling for religious music than your humble servant." He possessed a fervent belief that as a musician he was in the position to connect others to God through his art, once stating, "The church composer is also a preacher and priest and where words cannot suffice to convey the feeling, music gives them wings and transfigures them." This is not unlike Martin Luther's assertion that, "Music is a gift and largesse of God…. Praise through the word and music is a sermon in sound."

I mean, despite him being a Catholic, his ministry was really to draw people closer to God through his music. Inspiring huh? Never knew that old composers would think this way too :)

Lord i'm going to hang on no matter what comes my way.

And forever i will sing,

And forever i will sing,

How you gave your life away,

just to save me,

Lord you save me.

Surreality, i must say.

All i can give is a raised eyebrow.

I choose to give it up and hang on to what's most worth.

I think i've been really selfish. I mean, throughout the entire time, i've been asking the few questions in my mind: "Why is he/she doing this to me?" "Why is it so weird?" "Why does everyone misintepret this?".

And yet i've failed to realise that it was never about me. God sent me to be the salt and light of the world. He wants me to rise above all these questions about behaviours and see people as how God sees them. He placed me in wherever i am right now to be that salt and light to them, not to be added trouble! No one is perfect, everyone's still a work in progress.

It was never about me, it has always been about them.

You give and take away,

you give and take away,

my heart will choose to say

Lord blessed be your name.

Today i finally understood what it meant to give God my all. He showed me how he would strip me of my securities and my comforts, so that all i have to offer him is that broken and contrite heart, holding on to my tiny dreams in my hands which are uplifted to Him. And from there, He'll take it and mould it into something great.

It's just so hard to let go of so many things. But these are the things like what Sheila shared with me, that God sieves out via shaking. It's definitely painful. Super painful. But worth it.

God asked me a question just now. He asked me which was more worth it: the stuff that i kept holding on to, or the dreams he gave me. And i honestly took a while to contemplate. Because both were appealing. my eyes were opened. The only thing that was worth and satisfactory was to live a life that glorified God! Not a life of satisfying own needs, because God would do that when you seek Him first. And ya, images flashed across my mind. Images of how life would be if all these things i held on to were gone. It was a painful thing to think about. But when God showed me the things that He would do through me if i had let all these go, i felt that sense of comfort coming back. A sense of overwhelming, what can i say, joy.

When God said seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and that all these things would be added onto you, He didn't exclude emotions and feelings!

O Lord help me to stick by you. That nothing else is as worth it as you! No setback, no heartbreak, no earthly desires, no emotion, can change the fact that you are so worthy.