I've got a new favourite show: Who's line is it anyway.

Hilarious.


Hmmm. And so school is reopening in 2 days time. Well not exactly 2 days now, 1 day, 2 hours and 15 min to be more precise. Our OGL groups were cut down to 6, and our triton 7 got reshuffled. Ridiculous. And my foot muscle is somewhat sprained while sprawling all over the soapy banners used for the ramp slide during the midnight cleaning sessions on saturday.

Let's do some analysing. Homework left:

1) Math Maclaurin's tutorial
2) Math Revision package - the entire thing except for graphing
3) Chemistry Revision package - the entire thing except for the 1st question
4) LITERATURE (and i haven gotten pride and prejudice yet. talk about characted analysing)

Well, Praise the Lord i'm done with BIO. One less thing to worry about.


Had cell gathering at Megan's house yesterday, and almost everyone 'attacked' poor Alfredo. He did seem like the cutest thing on earth, but no affection goes to naughty babies. Although he did seem quite well-behaved without crying. Alfredo kept throwing whatever he had in his hand onto the floor. Vaness's phone almost died.

Shall upload photos on Christmas and cell gathering soon. New Year s eve and New Year itself will be spent mostly with family, and homework. Entertaining. But comforting at the fact that there are less than 2 days to enjoy lazing around.


And not forgetting my wonderful goals for 2008!!! Will update soon about them. And yes that includes my covenant til 20 years old. Speak to my boss up above if anyone has problems with that.


Toodles.

Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be the name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be your glorious name.

You give and take away,
you give and take away,
my heart still choose to say,
Lord blessed be your name.


Luke 1:46-55
46And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord 47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 48for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. 50His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. 51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 52He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. 53He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. 54He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful 55to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers."



1) Praising God and blessing His name in the midst of hard times. Just as how Mary did, and praised God and rejoiced in Him. Remembering all the great things that God has done for us.

O Lord, help me to be able to bless your name even amidst the hard times, help me to shift all emotions to you. Take control of my emotions so that i will not succumb to angry or sorrow when it comes to the hard times. Instead Lord, i pray that you give me the confidence to trust enough in you, so much so that i am able to confidently praise you in advance for the good things you have yet to bring.

His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.

We are to humble ourselves and fear God so that He may extend His mercy towards our iniquities. Lord, teach me to bow down towards you, to be so humble, so self-sacrificial for your kingdom.


He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. Being hungry for God, and not full of God. Because we can never be contented with God, as God is able to give so much more.


Lord, i m very sleepy now, teach me your ways O Lord, and teach me how to trust certain people again. Anyway Lord, i thank you for today and for allowing it to be quite a smooth going day, that is really fun. Thank you Lord for allowing that to happen.


Thank you Lord,
and i pray for __________ that he/she will get well soon. Lord you protect and watch over him/her. Thank you Lord for the things that you are going to do in the future. Love you Lord.


In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.



Anyways, today we went over to Jeremy's place for Christmas lunch. Was quite fun. Shall write more when i m not half asleep, and at the point of almost typing rubbish. BYE!!

For this is why i m glad to do
it s time to live a life that pleases you
i will give my all to you
surrender all i have and follow u
i follow you.

I know that it could be a cheesy song:

He Ne Ni, He Ne Ni,
Shao Wo, Chai Wo, wo zai zhe li

He Ne Ni, He Ne Ni,
Shao Wo, Chai Wo, He Ne Ni.


Lord here i am. Use me.

Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am i. Send me!"


And when we further read on chapter 6, we realise that God pours His own judgement upon the Israelites.
Indeed, only God can and has the rights to pour judgement onto us, sinful creatures. Who are we to judge people? Like how Isaiah in chapter 5 was so full of himself, and judged others until he encountered the glorious presence of the Lord that he realised that "woe" was to be on himself instead.

God help me not to judge anymore.

Matthew 7:1-5
Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Then i realised, that the Lord is indeed very merciful, in the sense that i would already have been struck with lightning by the amount of judging that i've done. And yet, God remains faithfully loving towards me, with all the chances that He has given me. Lord help me, teach me your ways, of having a pure and holy heart, no more filled with judgmentalism.

v3
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

Everytime when i feel like judging, or begin my unknowningly judging career, think of v3 as a point of turning around. We too have our own flaws, and why do we always only look at the faults of others when we too have the same problems. We have no rights to. Our 'pure' and 'holiness' is nothing compared to God's glory.

v4
How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Yes, we ALL have been hypocrites. And Lord i truly repent, help me to be transparent, to be truthful in my thoughts as to my actions. That whatever i think will be shown in whatever i do and speak.
The plank out of my own eye signifies the finishing of your 'trial'. This means that we gain experience, and by removing the speck from your brother's eye clearly, it means we should use our experience and what we have learnt into application to remove that speck.

Lord Father. I know my judgementalism have not only pulled the people around me down, but also my spiritual walk with you. And I pray that you help me, to stay close by to you, that i may manifest your glory and wonder through my actions, speech and behaviour.

However short this may be, Lord Father indeed you have whammed me straight in the face again with another truth of life and being your faithful self, you have provided me ways of doing so. Thank you Lord, you indeed are worthy of all my praise and worship. I Love you so much Jesus. Thank you for everything that you have done for me.

Lord Father i pray that you salvage that friendship of mine. I will follow whatever you have told me to do, and now that my authorities have said wait, i will wait. Lord i don't know what your plans are, but i believe you make all things beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11a
He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Thank You Lord, i humble myself before you. Take control of everything.

In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.

Psalm 109:105
Thy Word is the lamp unto my feet
and a light unto my path.


O Lord, you guide me to where i am suppose to go. It always seem that there is hardly anyone to lean on fully, Lord only you are my solid rock, my shelter, my saviour, my advisor, my close friend. All i need now is someone to lean on and guide me away from my sinful nature.

Thy Word is the lamp unto my feet. Lord, show me where i am, what i am, my sinful nature. Point out that horrid part of me, show me my wrongs that i've been hiding, thinking that i'm always right.

and a light unto my path. Lord, you are my shepherd, and i am the sheep.

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.



Guide me where i should go. Lord, i will not move on to anywhere without you going with me. Direct me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.

There are so many things O Lord that you want me to do. But there are things that stop me. Not just a few, but many. And i know that the evil one is already scheming against me, the accuser of brethren already beginning his accusations. But Lord, you are my shepherd, you fight and chase away those wolves that attack your sheep. Lord and i know that as long as i follow you, my shepherd, i will be safe under your wings, your protection.

Lord Father, and even as i speak, and go through my day. The evil one has already begun his schemes against me. Lord Father all those low self esteem thoughts coming back, all those self-rejections, and all those paranoic acts, making me anti-social, hence making a whole lot of consequences. Lord it's a vicious cycle and i want to get out of it. But i don't know how, and i feel that sometimes there isn't anyone to listen. And i don't want to pull anyone down with my own problems.

As the deer panteth for the water
so my soul thirsts after thee.
You alone are my heart's desire
and i long to worship thee.

You alone are my strength and my shield,
You alone does my spirit yield,
You alone are my heart's desire
and i long to worship thee.

Indeed Lord, teach me how to lean and depend on solely you. Give me sensitive ears to tune in to your voice. Lord i ask that you allow me to hear your voice audibly. You said that ask and you shall recieve, and Lord i claim that promise onto my cry out for you. That Lord, somehow, let me hear your voice so tangibly. No longer do i want to live in doubt, in uncertainty. But Lord in so much faith that you are out there for me. Lord no longer do i want to live a life full of dependence on people who will help me solve problems, but Lord help me to depend on you, and be independent of people around me.

O Lord i cry out for your touch once again.
And yet, i thank you Lord, because i know that i am going through this only because you know that i am ready.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)
13No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

And yes, Lord, you are just so faithful to me no matter how unfaithful i may be. Lord Father, thank you for loving me so much, and indeed, this time that i ve spent with you, has been a pleasing and touching one. Love you so much!!

Thank you for everything Lord, and i praise you for the things that have yet to come.
I lift up the dreams for my school into your hands. Take control of it. Thank you Lord Jesus.

In Jesus name i pray,
Amen.


If you say go,
we will go.
If you say wait,
we will wait.
If you say step on on the water,
and they say it can't be done,
we'll lift our eyes to you
and we will come.



Draw me close to you,
never let me go.
i lay it all down again,
to hear you say that i'm your friend.

You are my desire,
no one else will do.
Cos there's nothing else that will take your place
to feel the warmth of your embrace
help me find a way,
bring me back to you.

you're all i want, you're all i ve ever needed.
you're all i want, help me know you are near.

Matthew 7:7-8

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."

Amazing verse. God promises that EVERYONE, who asks, WILL recieve. EVERYONE who seeks, WILL find, and that EVERYONE who knocks, the door WILL be opened.

So all those who need encouragement, God has already promised. What are you all waiting for, Ask, seek, and knock! Because God will definitely come through. Just HUNGER and THIRST for Him. I vye with my experience.

i'm back from camp!

God spoke SO much to me this time. As though He hit me in the face with a whole lot of truth, lessons and directions. His peace was just so awesome, filled with so much joy and happiness. All i did was just laugh and smile at His awesomeness. God indeed moved so mightily that every single service was so powerful, and life changing.

We learnt that only if we seek and hunger so much for His touch, will He then come down on pour His love upon us.

God is just SO awesome!! Nothing i can say to express how good and powerful and mighty my God is!


He spoke on every single night to me, each time a different word.
God answered my prayers of my feeling Him for real more tangibly instead of always having Him speak to me through my thoughts saying that He is real. Pastor Mark just came over during altar call and said that he felt that God wanted to tell me that He IS real and that He wanted me to quit fooling around.

God also answered my prayers on serving Him 100%. Pastor Mark during the altar call continued on saying that God wanted to tell me that i should serve Him with my 100%. To give up my precious and follow Him. And God also said that He would return something EVEN better, and so i should not give Him anymore of my 2nd class service, but put Him first for all my priorities. From then it also gave me that confirmation that i should make that covenant with God that i would not like or go into a relationship with anyone til i am 20 years of age.

I'm still so amazed and awed my God's wonder. And He is just SO real.




Anyways. Even amidst how God took away the certain way i felt about something, i still reacted in a disgusting way. And i am sincerly sorry. I know you wouldn't possibly read this after how i ve reacted, but i'm just so sorry. I guess my old habits still show, and how everyone else's does as well.. But i was being prejudiced and judgemental, and i'm really sorry. My heart just breaks on how i ve actually acted and thought towards my friend during that period of time, and i really hope you'd forgive me. I wish i could go back and change things, but i know that what's done cannot be undone. You have been so good to me, making so much sacrifices, and all i did in return was giving my horrid attitude. I don't know why i've done so either. But either ways, it's still my fault. I don't know how angry you'll be, but you have every right to. All i want you to know is that i am really sorry to the way i have behaved, and i wish i could explain to you even clearly on how i feel right now. Sorry.

And to my heavenly Father, Lord i pray that you'll forgive me for the way i've behaved and treated my friend. I am truly sorry O Lord, and i really do want to repent. Lord Father, sorry for the judging that i've been doing, and sorry for the bad thoughts that i had. Lord Father, i'm sorry that i've treated your beloved child like that, and i'm sorry that i've been such a hypocrite. Lord please forgive me for what i have done. Please wash away my sins O Lord, i am really sorry.

And i thank you Lord, because i know that you have sent your son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for me, to wash away the sins i have done when i ve repented. Lord Father, thank you, because i know you'll forgive me. Lord help me to be a better christian, a better woman after your heart. Help me not to judge people, and not to behave like this everytime i come upon a situation like that. Thank you Lord, for being such a loving Father who forgives and forgets all wrongs, and i pray that you will help me too. Lord i pray as well that you will take away the guilt that i feel, and that you'll fill me instead with that conviction and commitment never to react this way again, and to make up for my wrong doings towards that friend. Thank you Lord, for being such a forgiving Father.

In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.

i was thinking...


Would it be better to extend my covenant til 20 years old?
committing the rest of my 2 years 2 months and a couple of days back to God.
Before i turn old and hairy and not being able to serve my 100%.

i remembered the time when Roland preached, he said that NOW is the time for us to really give our fullest potential in serving. The time when we are not working, just studying, surrounded with friends, having all the freedom we have being single.

but then again, there's always the 'what if'.


What if i regret.
What if i feel all lonesome suddenly.
What if i didn't need to make that covenant.
What if everyone else was already attached and i can't.
What if i really liked someone before the covenant ends?


And then, it struck me.

That i would only regret if i'm not all sold out for serving.
That i wouldn't feel lonely if i were close to God.
That God would tell me if i were to make a covenant or not.
That God makes All things beautiful in its time.
That he wouldn't be the one if the covenant hasn't ended.


Well. It indeed makes me feel more at ease, but....

I'm afraid i can't commit.
But i'd better be. God deserves more than whatever i'm giving Him now.

I don't want to hurt anyone. Neither do i want to be hurt by anyone.
But God tells me, that He will give me someone in due time.


And now, i just feel like being single. Live a single life, full of freedom to serve God with ALL my heart, soul and mind. Not forgetting being able to spend time with all my friends, hang out, have a fun evangelistic life with no bondage. Also being able to flirt around (okay i was just kidding, Megan will kill me.).


Hmm. See so both sides seem tempting, and beneficial. But i see God standing on only one path. And i choose that path of serving Him all my best.

Yet, i still ponder about the covenant status. What am i to do O Lord? Speak to me...

I've always believed that now is the time for serving God with 100%.

How?

Give Him your best.
Spend all the time you have with Him.
Love Him, and love others.


But i do feel sick sometimes having the need to 'protect' certain stuff. And then again i realise, why am i doing this for, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. It does, i admit, pull me back, from the things i have to do. I don't know. It's like a step forward pull back situation. What am i to do. Feel the distance suddenly. But maybe it's for everyone's good? Argh, i DON't KNOW.



Argh, Lord guide me. Show me the way. I really want to make myself useful for your works O Lord. Tell me what to do..

Spent time with Grandma, Mom and Sis at town yesterday. Supposed to accompany my Grandma to get a bag for her birthday present, but my sis and i ended up having a shopping spree. Spent quite a fair bit.

In the car:












My precious and young Grandma:




Sis and Mom:







Pretty Sis:



Camwhoring in toilet:












Messing around with mom's reading specs:








Hung out with Meg on sunday after Gift of Love. Glanies sent us to tampines mall straight after lunch. Both of us had nothing to do, decided to have some girl time, and camwhored a bit. Most of the photos were retarded, so the ones below are the more sane ones:






The both of us attempting fake candid shots:










This photo signifies the presence of Cat and Naq. They were taking a photo together!:
(okay, meg and i were just retarded)



CFFF this Sat!! Come and support!! Meg, Dick and i will be helping out at stalls and stuff. Blood donations, food, games, many more! Just bring your butt down to Emmanuel Church and have LOADS of fun! All for only 10 dollars per ticket. :D

(me in an advertising tone)

i.
Picked up and thrown,
over and over.

The rag doll continues to wait,
hopefully.


ii.
Codes.
Hard to decipher.
Seemingly simple, straightforward,
but shady, devious in nature.

nonetheless, not what it seems.

Codes.
Meant to steal your patience.
Your heart and desires of wanting to get past it.
it waits.
it poisons.

the other does not realise it's deadliness.

Codes.
It decieves.
it acts as something it is not,
and blinds the target.

Codes.
They are ALWAYS the third party,
but thinks otherwise.


iii.
Hypocrisy is the practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtures that one does not hold or possess, in other words, falseness.

Speculation is the reasoning based on inconclusive evidence; a conjecture or supposition.



Add them up and they give you: Gossip.


iv.

Be Thou my Vision,
O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me,
save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought,
by day or by night,Waking or sleeping,
Thy presence my light.


Be Thou my Wisdom,
and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father,
I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling,
and I with Thee one.


Be Thou my battle Shield,
Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity,
Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter,
Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward,
O Power of my power.


Riches I heed not,
nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance,
now and always:
Thou and Thou only,
first in my heart,
High King of Heaven,
my Treasure Thou art.


High King of Heaven,
my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys,
O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart,
whatever befall,
Still be my Vision,
O Ruler of all.


He is the reason.


v.
So once again,
Hypocrisy is the practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtures that one does not hold or possess, in other words, falseness.

Speculation is the reasoning based on inconclusive evidence; a conjecture or supposition.



Add them up and they give you: Gossip.


vi.
Distraught in thought over suggestions to problems,
the little rag doll takes a step back
and yet steps forward for fear of the unknown, devious, shadiness.

She steps back again
and yet clings on to the one in front for safety reasons.


vii.
'He has made everything beautiful in its time' Ecclesiastes 3:11.

and i continue to wait, and trust.

I m just so pissed.
I am SICK and TIRED of your CHILDish and IMMATURE behaviour.
O you who has LOWLY standards.

But how my heart breaks when i m just left in a spot,
wishing that i could tell you off,
but taking a step back due to knowledge of your
indifference.

Why can't you just give in?
Be how you should be.
Be mature and just
GROW UP.


Maybe that's why now's not the time yet.
But yet, i refuse to let go.

The previous post was a 'live' mode during blogging. Couldn't complete the post as Jeremy and i decided to play Halo 2 on the xbox after we got quite creeped out from Fatal Frame.

Anyways, to complete the previous post, the second night was very interesting. While the rest were helping to buy the BBQ food at loyang point, Meg and i headed to her place to get a nice shower and also to relieve ourselves, like what others would call it: doing Big Business. Well, it was nice to take that bathe especially when the both of us were the only ones who stayed in the chalet and didn't bathe yet. Had a nice heart-to-heart talk about the boys in our class, interesting conversation, and also quite a disheartening one. We figured that we really really needed to pray for them, and GET THEM SAVED.

Mr Choo came along too during the BBQ, and he revealed to us his pierced ear and tribal tattoo on his right leg (not a Hello Kitty tattoo fyi). The BBQ was fun, hot, and we camwhored quite a bit. Dicky was complaining that all the photos he took were mostly unglam. HAHA. And Meg, Song Leng, Dicky and i played along with that so called scandal. The part where the rumours between Dicky and i were just a cover-up for both Meg and Dicky, while i had always been with Song Leng. And so yes, i was calling Song Leng 'cupcake', he was calling me 'darling' or 'sweetheart', Meg was calling Dicky 'Bodo', and Dicky was calling Meg 'idiot'. Weird 'couples'. Muaha. Then we thought of a strange scandal for Naq, saying that she was together with Jeremy. Oh well. Life of bored people.

Anyways, i couldn't sleep almost the entire 2nd night, probably due to too much Fatal Frame and action from Halo 2. Since Crystal and Mel somewhat disappeared from the chalet room, Jeremy and i decided to hijack their places, but sleep slanted so that if they were to come back, they would have some space to sleep in. Waited for ages, but they still did not come back. So i tried moving Jeremy up so that we wouldn't have to sleep in the slanted position.

It was awkward sleeping slanted anyway and my feet felt too exposed. I prodded Jeremy a couple of times and smacked him gently, he woke up for a few seconds, said 'huh', and when i asked him to move up, he ignored me and went back to sleep. At that point of time i felt like killing him. Then i tried moving upwards, leaving Jeremy at that slanted position alone, but then i realised if i do so, i'd be able to see what's under the bed, and that WOULD have been too creepy, especially after spending the night playing Fatal Frame.

It was around 5 at that time. I sat up and told myself that i would only have to wait for an hour more before Dicky wakes up to go for training. I would have someone awake to company me then, and it wouldn't feel so scary. But my imaginative brains could not take it, and my mind started to wonder. Just at that point of time, i caught Song Leng awake, and i was SO glad. We chatted awhile, Meg woke up, chatted as well, and we all fell asleep. It was not only til 7 when both Jeremy and i were awake enough to move up from the slanted position.

By the time i was fully awake, it was around 10.15, and the chalet was only left with Song Leng, Andrew, Wei Lin and i. The rest had to leave early, either for training, or for work. We rushed out of the chalet just in time to return the keys and for Macs breakfast.

Interesting time, although it did make me wonder what purposes of chalets were for. Enjoyed myself a lot, and got to learn more of people from my class.

Okay, enough of hearing my rambles:

Here are the goodies, enjoy!

First day:










Jeremy fixing Hakim's Xbox


Dicky showing off his chest. :p



Second day:


Hunk and babe


Wei Lin and Mel




The Son, the Mom, and the Adulterer.


Imitating Mel's unglam shots


Everyone happily smiling except for unprepared Mel, who makes an unglam pose instead. Mel's the cutest. WAHA.






The Gays.


WOAH, Hot stuff. :D


The Damsels and the ghastly thing behind.




PetCatlost, Mei Mei, ignored, PROBLEMATIC


The fake fake scandal.



The real fake scandal.


Upset over burnt fishball.








Dirty clothes!!






Look at Jay's pout!! LOL. So cute lahh.




Bestest best friend (as what she claims)




Real and fake (made up of Jay's hand) muscles.




Ritual round the tribal tattoo.


DICKY BEING VIOLATED!!


The girls.


The guys, in Naq's pose.




Guys wanted a shot in the pic too, and hence jumped around behind us.


Picture resultant from us falling.


Mother and son




AND, the best picture of the day:


MY COW!!