Biology?

Adrenal Medulla

What? - Secretes the hormone adrenaline
Cause? - Fear, anxiety, anger.
Effects?- Increase in heartbeat, increase in metabolic rate, pupils dilate, rate of peristalsis increases, digestion increases.

Hmm. That explains the 'butterflies' in the stomach.
I wonder again, what a covenant is like in our new modern day context.
And i do ponder about the fact on whether you're following it up close.


It's hard to express oneself appropriately, especially when everyone's doing the same.
She hides it in her cramped up heart, and walks away, knowing that it wouldn't change anything.
She wonders if that word expressed by that monster, was actually 'sacrifice'.
She wipes that tiny tear off her cheek, in a hoping manner.


Meridian JC here i come!! Yes, it may not be the most wonderful JC in the whole world, but it still does have its good points; like being able to constantly remain as the top few of the school, having new facilities, having a clean toilet, being around with humble people (not exclusive types), and to be able to start on a new life as a mature me.

Still trying to pester Chuan Rui to come MJ with me, he doesn't seem to have any problem with it, and yet he's still reluctant. Perhaps not being able to forget the scene he made during the band interview with MJ, he thought that he got humiliated badly by them. Hmm. Oh well. A good 11 points, would seriously bring me nowhere. Yep, a good way of motivation, to continuously remind myself of my lousy aggregate. Argh. Or is it just mere torture?!

Like i've said in many other posts, i really need a break! Speaking of break, i had no other choice but to practise my Grade 8 pieces for next year's exam as a breather. See how desperate i am right now? My cravings for the ability to roam around town spending unecessarily has also increased drastically. Ack, what has got into me? (I shall say it again) Ack, what has got into me?


Really, sometimes, all we need is just a fresh touch from God again, without his constant renewing and refreshing of our minds, we would just slowly rot away in the spiritual limbo.

Oh God, bring me back to you, refresh my 'dead' mind, renew my spirit, touch me once again, that i may be rekindled for the glory of your name.

*Wawnie recieves an 'SMS' and wonders who its from*

Doodles

Yay! I picked this up from Hen's bloggie. I love this soooo much, we drew it last year (2005).

Here:




Today: Have been pondering about the rather important situation on whether i should go for retail therapy tomorrow.

Haha. I have been waiting for really long for the moment, so mind you.
Also, after tuition, i happened to see lots of nice and hmm.. expensive, i would say, cars. There was this really nice Mercedes CLK sports car, and Jaguars, and Mazdas, and BMWs seven series, and rolls-royces and lamborghinis, and ferraris. (Ok, maybe i did exaggerate about the last few) There were like a billion of hondas, toyotas, and nissans. (Ew) But the only one that caught my eye was the camry, the rose among the torns. (Torns also meaning the rest of the toyotas) I just love cars!

Oh well, shall run away and visit the biology book, i suppose it misses me.

Ps. New word: Bugger

(A person who makes love to animals)
(Strange)


*Wawnie brisk walks to her biology book and hugs it*

argh.

Argh.

The extravagance of the horrid monster still destroys the peacefulness of my rather stressed up mind.

(The chair that i'm sitting on refuses to stay in its original position)

Why monster?
Then what? Ghost?
(Argh. i'm talking to myself again)
(I'm feeling dizzy)

Why? Memories, i hate them.

(Shall begin blogging appropriately)

Haha. My mom overslept today, her biological clock made her wake up only at 7.15 am when school started at 7.40. So.... My sis and i were allowed to stay at home today!! Yay! It was quite good, in a way that we managed to take a break from all those horrendous situations surrounding us (my results, just in case you didn't know). I couldn't face my friends with 11 points. Yes, it may seem very well done, but compared to my own standards, i've really dropped a lot.

Prayer today wasn't really good, maybe too much exam stress.

Sigh.

I'm still trying to hide my true emotions. But i guess i've hidden it so well, that unexpected rumours have shown themselves. Argh. I hate rumours.

(Wawnie proclaims herself: rumour-free. This does not mean that she's free of rumours, but that she detests rumours)

I need a break from everything. I just need a breather, a rest.
I need retail therapy!!! (It's been long since)

Hmmm.. I wonder, what are my actual thoughts? What do i really want? What am i? (0.o This was not suppose to be the question) Why am i like that?

It's really hard to express oneself well, and many times people misunderstand.


*Wawnie feels rather speechless, she decides not to type anymore.*

More results

I could have seriously done better.

English: A2 (not bad)
E Math: A1 (Stupid careless mistakes)
A Math: A2 (barely made it, i'm seriously not this standard. Could have done better)
Biology: B3 (this is rubbish)
Combine science: A2 (sigh.)
Combine Humanities: A1 (Thank God!)

It was only til 9 pm when my teacher sent me a message to tell me my history marks. It was only then when i felt the burst of elation coming up within me. Sometimes, God really knows how to cheer someone up. I was already somewhat depressed with my results, although it may seem very high. Oh well. Now i'm glad i can get into the first 3 months of JC thingy. I wanted to get into VJC at first, but then again, i would have to go through the ultimate stress levels before i would be able to achieve pleasant A level results. MJC for now, would be good, in a sense that i would not have to be overly stressed, and yet be motivate to study.

Shall see how things go. I have told myself that after today, i shall focus on my revision with full force and concentration. Nothing, shall distract me. But of course, God will still be first! :D Yays!
However, the remnance of the depression caused by my biology and A math results still triggers my rather pessimistic thoughts. This is dumb. Argh.

Had to entertain myself with some new Pokemon game, it was rather silly. Symptoms of Stress? I'm afraid. Haha. What stress? I have to ask myself that question sometimes. Hmm.

Whatever the case is, i've gotten my worst-case scenarios planned out already. If all else fails, i will go to temasek poly and take up accounting and finance. It's a direct path to the Uni without having to go through the first year stuffies. Or, if my results are soooooooo bad that even the poly wouldn't accept me, (which will NOT be the case), i would pursue my music career, perhaps as a pianist.

Mom consoled me by assuring me that she would try to get me the mini laptop and the thumbdrive in the shape of a sushi (what i've ALWAYS wanted) if i did my very best for the O levels. (She obviously wouldn't get me that sleek lamborghini murcielago, or that rolls-royce phantom, or that ferrari enzo, or that bugatti veyron, although i wished for it very much.) Dreams upon dreams. Haha. (why do they have to be so expensive)

Eek! It's already 11! There's assembly tommorrow, and i'll have to face the people who did so much better than me for the exams. Grr. I HAVE SLACKENED SOOO MUCH!!! What's wrong with my biology and science. I could have done so much better. Sigh.

*Wawnie is getting all emotional once again, due to the slight reminders of the disgusting, horrid, morbid, hideous, marks she had recieved. Please do forgive her for running away halfway.*

Results

After like a million years, we've gotten back some of our results. (perhaps not a million years but a few days) I've got A1 for E math, (as usual) and A2 for combine science. I'm rather disappointed with my combine science results, cos i could have gotten an A1 if not for the carelessness of mixing up the identifying of chloride and iodide for chloride and sulphate. Argh. And for E math paper 1 which is upon 80, i lost 19 marks due to carelessness!!! Seriously disappointed with my ultimate disorientated accuracy. Oh well, Char will probably chop my head off if i continue to be sad bout it and all.

However, even though i'm feeling miserable and disappointed, i'll still praise the Lord for there could have been worse cases. (such as moderations)

O Lord, i pray that you'll help me with my accuracy and carefulness.

*Wawnie skips away for her piano lesson*

Stereotyping

ok. I just wrote a prose, hope it ll improve soon. My mind stereotypes every single action of a girl. (wonder why) I can't stand it any more. Argh, just stop it!


Anger

Yes towards you.
Stop shrugging off your responsibilities.
Stop shoving them to me.
Sharing the burden does you no harm.
Take ownership of it.
I can't handle it by myself.


There are too many things in my mind. Some have to be let out, unfortunately.

Sometimes, when i think of the term 'Good friends', i get confused. What is its definition. People use it so often, but do they really understand it? And do they really mean what they say?


Personal thoughts.

The term has never existed.
It's just a lie to cover up the unexpressed emotion towards another.
It has been abused too many times.
When the term is used, beware of being forgotten.


I think i stereotype things too much.


*Wawnie is now trying to view things with a third person's perspective*

Memories

Memories in six parts


One.

The window was
seemingly wet.

Tears discharged themselves
as memories rummaged through my


innermost heart.




Two.

As the sun arose from its darkened cemetary,
I saw the silhouettes of the trees


in the shape of your bones.




Three.

The grandfather clock struck ten times
in the dimmer part of the day,

I was reminded of
those special moments



of your voice.




Four.

As i squeezed through the bustling streets of the night,
The lights were still bright,
people continued their neverending journey towards stalls.
i turned and paused.


I thought I had seen your face in the crowd.






Five.

Period.




Six.

What are they? I asked.
Memories. I replied.



Are they real?
I shrugged.



Will they return?
Maybe. I said.

Thoughts II

I wonder why.

The noises,
strangely familiar.


The whispers,
the sound of the buzzing of the flies,
shoo.


The stares,
simply threatening,
killing within seconds would not have been a suprise.


The heartbeat,
they were only mine,
no one heard.


The thoughts,
overflowing,
abundant,
never-ending,




as the shadow returned..

A total waste of time, i think.

Prelims have officially ended. I can feel the sudden surge of freedom, well, maybe just a little, after the thought that Os would be just a month or two away. Hmmm. Thoughts: I thought i didn't like people who got emotional easily. But then again, i realised that i too was like that. So perhaps, it's just me hating my own attitude. Oh well, waha. Sometimes, things get so mixed up, that seeing the wide perspective was always a chore. Not that the narrow one would be easy, but to change from one perspective to another is rather hard. It's always easier to see the overall situation as the third party, so why can't i be the third party of my own life?

The strange thoughts of my life.

Should i be angry? Sad? Or pretend to be ultra happy? Hmm. Maybe i am happy, until the return of the evil monster. Hmm. Ok, maybe not evil, but just, monster.

I should be happy, really, there's nothing to be sad about. If it comes, it comes, if it goes, it goes. I do find being both happy and sad a chore. Why isn't there an emotional limbo? What's there in my mind? Nothing? Studies? Biology? History? blah blah blah? Hmmm. I really don't know. Ok, maybe its just my mood swinging. But i really don't know how to feel, what to do, and even what to say. All i m doing now is just living the day as it comes. Hiding and suppressing every emotion behind the rock of my heart, digging a deep hole into my mind to bury every hurt in it. Wait, did i? Argh. I'm weirdly strange and strangely weird today. See? I even make bizarre sentences like that! 0_o

Argh!!! What's wrong with me?!?

*Wawnie stares in the mirror for a moment as she says all these, and runs away with a fear that she herself could never understand*

Quiz -_-

I have officially been tagged by Mei Mei to do this quiz. Hmmm.

Skin colour: Normally yellow. Ppl say i'm fair, but i m not.
Hair colour: Black i think?
Eye colour: Black! I love black eyes. Muahaha!
Clothes colour: My horrendous yellow school uniform
Wardrobe colour: White. (as in the cupboard itself right?)
Seven memorable things this month - (1) Prelims (2) Horrid rumours (3) The church? [it so happens that i appear that almost every day] (4) The passing on (5) The supposedly Games day, day. (6) hmmm.. What else? Er.. Cafe Cartel dinner celebrating an ultra belated birthday of Jarrold's. (7) Lalala. God being able to help me during my exams.

Six people you talked face to face this week: (1) My mom (2) My sis (3) My Dad (4) Charmaine (5) Jarrold (6) Daryl [There are soooo many people, what do you mean by only 6? -_-]

Five things you bought recently: (1) My Seventeen mag. (2) Sushi (3) Pair of Earrings (4) My dinner for yesterday (5) Sweets [and what is this for again?? hmm..]

Three people you want to talk to now but can't: (1) You know who. [ack, that s no one!! He/she is someone. No one!! hmm.. I'm talking to myself again.] (2) My old friends who have graduated [WHERE HAVE ALL OF YOU BEEN?] (3) I miss talking to ..... [This is probably not dawn speaking, but her imaginary self]

Two things on your mind now: (1) My questions (eg. When? Will you? What?) (2) the mini laptop with a thumbdrive in the shape of a sushi all fitted into the lamborghini murcielago with me driving it.

Do i have to tag anyone? (1) Maddie (2) Gaius (3) Lizzie

Hooray for the unofficial ending of prelims! Muaha. (There's still one more paper left: Bio prac) Oh well, today went for the Revelatian seminar. It was superly cool! It is only through scrutinising the bible, will one find out the picture book within it. I can't wait for the 2nd coming of the Lord! Muaha!

Anyways, the seminar ended at 10 plus. Everyone surprisingly left the place extremely early. So it was just me alone, waiting for my mom, as usual, to pick me up. I sat at the church front porch at first, until Uncle Henry came to off the youth room and BASC lights. I thought it would be better if i had waited at the bus stop instead so that Uncle Henry could perform his task of closing the church fully. However, some silly people riding their little bicycles had to ride past and frighten me out of my wits. I was just innocently sitting there, playing minesweeper in my phone, and some guy yelled in chinese that he wanted my number and all. I'm not boasting or anything, but it really does creep me out when such things happen. That guy wouldnt stop yelling, he kept going like "I really want ur number!!" (in chinese) and then kept screaming as he rode the bicycle away. Do sympathise with poor traumatised me. I really hate it when people do that.

Also, today, people kept assuming again! ARGH! And i do NOT find it hilarious. The only reason why i do not avoid is cause i treasure my good friends. But people do not see it that way, sigh. The worse part was i got misunderstood, so now, i'm totally embarrassed, and i really do not know how to face up to it. Why can't a normal platonic friendship stay that way? Why do people have to take control of it? Why are there such things as rumours? Why can't they just stop assuming? Why can't they understand my intentions at all? Why? Sigh.. I do not blame anyone, guess it just like that. If only it would stop, then there wouldn't be so much tension, and awkwardness around. It's hard to write in how i really really feel here, and why my actions are like that sometimes, i do not want anyone to see it. Here s the clue (a really vague one): The past will reign. Come on, smart people, i'm sure you all will be able to see through it. Please please please do not assume any more... its really hard for me to keep my friends, and i don't want to lose them anymore.

Whee

God is sooooo amazing!! Yesterday, i panicked about history stuffs and all, then i prayed about it, and got the prompting that i should concentrate on the War on Pacific. And guess what? It came out today!! Praise the Lord!!! Also, God made me read through the chapter about China, especially the part before the 1911 Revolution, and it too came out! It came out for source based questions. Woot! God is sooooo awesome!!

Praise the Lord!!!

Dreams

Not wanting to be like any other...
Not wanting to talk like any other...
Not wanting to behave like any other...
Not wanting to love like any other...
Not wanting to be treated like any other...

Sometimes wishing to be heard,
Sometimes wishing that there were no assumptions,
Sometimes wishing that it would be a fairytale.

But when truth was revealed,
she knew that a fairytale would remain a fairytale,
and reality as reality.

Dreaming,
she knew,
was never her forte.




*Wawnie was just feeling a little emo, she continues her study of Mao Ze Dong.*

History

Ack.. mugging for history now. Practically memorising every single thing on the notes. Really hoping to score a 1 for history though. Its possible!! I know it!! hmmm... talking to myself again.

Now in church with everyone else, in Pastor's resource room. Let's see what else i remember from history:

Rise of Militarism in Japan.

• In 1920s, Japanese government became less popular as it did not solve Japan's economic and social problems.
• The army thought that the foreign policies of using the armed forces to build up an overseas empire and make Japan strong and popular, would solve Japan's problems.
• The army also felt that government betrayed Japan by agreeing to one of the treaties during the Washington Naval conference.
• With the army becoming increasingly popular and strong in Japan, it was difficult for the government to make wishes which were against the army.
• The army thus initiated the invasion of China, and started with Manchuria to show the mightiness of Japan. They also started to establish Japanese empires overseas.

Me and my good memory. Muaha! Shall go back to study now. Lala.

Headache

Bleh.. I've got a headache, quite annoying. Its the dull pain that's really irritating me, and it wouldn't stop.

Yesterday went for the music ministry bbq, and almost everyone was pigging out. haha. Just eating and sitting and chatting, quite silly, but fun. Got quite tired when it was still rather early, guess its just the remnance of the examination efforts and the boredom of tuition class i had earlier on. It was only yesterday, when God showed me many things, and because of that, my efforts to cherish people increased tremendously. A growth spurt, like what they call it. Sometimes, thinking of even my friends feeling sad and feeling like they have failed, makes me want to weep. I don't know why, but i know that it really saddens me when i see everyone disheartened and stuff. Oh well, prayer is really needed in these areas, and i'm believing that God will work miracles. Already, i m thanking Him for allowing many things to happen within this past week, and allowing me to grow so much suddenly. Just that week, God gave me His eyes to look at people at a different perspective, and He taught me to love unconditionally.

Gossiping, people sometimes don't know whether they are actually doing so. And no matter how many times they are reminded, they'll still forget. And i admit that i'm one of those few. But, just wanna encourage those who are reading, and even myself, that we should really ask God to give us the strength to tame both our minds and our tongues. They both work hand in hand, to either produce something pleasant, or something unpleasant. I really want to give glory to God, for He has been so faithful in giving me that strength to overcome the sin of gossiping slowly.

Haha. Anyways, today, had power packed service. Sarah shared about loving God and Him loving us. And ya, it was really good! I was changed. Even if there werent tears pouring and mucus, i'm believing that God was working within. We walk by faith, and not by Sight.

Wow! God is just sooooo amazing!! I love Him soooo much!!!


My saviour
He's living in me
Redeemer Jesus
He sets me free


Feeling rather weird too, cos people around kept assuming. And really, that made me feel extremely awkward, and i'm really hoping that it wouldnt spoil my friendships.

Oh God, i pray that you stop their minds from wondering, and that all would be pure and innocent. Thoughts, O Lord, would just come from you, and you alone.

Whatever that has happened today, is really God planned, and God made. He saw through it, and will see me through the next day. Thank you Lord, for always being there for me.


*Wawnie runs off to get a panadol. She runs off, opens the cupboard, and caused everything from inside to fall out. *

hmmm

Went for the cremation ceremony today, was a little afraid at first, but when i saw how his family members wept, i realised that it wasn't just about me, but about them. Well, its a good experience, and i really thank God for that.

Anyways, went out with the old cell just now, had good memories together. I just love them soooo much! Sadly, everyone went off either to either mug or have meeting. Char was the only one slacking away, -_-. Why do i feel the sudden envy. Strangely, i went home rather early today, compared to the rest of the Sundays. Guessed that the stress within me is making me do silly things. Hmmm, 'What stress'? Argh! Now i'm beginning to talk to myself! What is wrong with my brains????

Shall continue to revise through chap 5 - Sustaining good governance in Singapore. It's a tedious and dry chapter, but i believe that with God, i'll be able to remember it really really well. Whee!



*Wawnie presses the button which says 'Publish post' and tries to walk away in vain as her butt is glued to the chair*

Phobia

Somehow, my craving for food today would never stop. Wonder why.

Anyways, today it took me an eternity to debate on whether i should attend a funeral. It scared me somehow, that how close death can be, and that we would never know whether we'd see the person close to us alive the next day. Guess God must be showing me something.

I didn't attend it in the end, had a terrible headache, mom was not willing, and i'm rather traumatised by funerals. (Some sort of phobia i hope) Sunday would be the cremation, and i'm again debating on whether i should pay my last respects. Sigh. Have to overcome this horrid phobia soon.

Oh God, speak to me.
I Love Jesus.

*wawnie runs off to find something, just something, she doesn't know what*

Another boring day

i'm bored. I want to do something fun. Hmmm. Eat!!

*wawnie runs away*

finally

After much thought and editting, i have finally come to the final state of my newest 2006 blog. Muaha. Feeling rather lethargic now. Shall visit slumberland soon, the nagging of my mom is strangely louder too. The Queen aka me, shall bid farewell.

la

my very first post after one and a half years! woot! Thought that this would help improve my english. Hmm.. oh well. hee.