For the sake of those who have been commenting on my slowness to update, i have finally decided to post something.

The past few days have been very different, a very different lifestyle, different perspectives and different ways of treating people, of course in the positive way. I did, however, get turned off by some actions of others and was almost to the extend of raising my voice. But thank God He kept me cool, and all i did was just walk out of where i was to take a breather. Even as i try my best to love the unlovable, the irritant feeling comes back. But yeah, taking it slow and easy.

I don't know but it may even be to the point of despising. But no, that's not what the Lord wants me to do.

O Lord, forgive me, give me your love and compassion for the unlovable, for you sent your only beloved son Jesus Christ not just to die for me only, but also for them.


When i sit down and just ponder, will i then realise how bad situations are. How people are backsliding, and causing others to backslide as well. I just don't know what to feel. I don't want to be angry, and yet, i'm angry at the fact that they would give up God just because God, to them, doesn't 'feel' real, or seem real. Or whatever reasons that may come up.

But then when i read Jude yesterday,verse 22 (the shortest of the verses in Jude) said: "Be merciful to those who doubt." Only then it struck me, that those who doubted, were similar to those who were lost. The lost, like how i was before, needed mercy, grace, and love from God, and God gave them all. What more can we say as Christians who walk daily with God? What reason do i have to be angry when God is not angry?

It was then that i made a new resolution of loving people at a bigger extend, despite their doubtfulness, their sinfulness, their disrespect towards the King of Kings. Because i knew that i was once like them.


What truly is on my heart now, is to hear God say that i'm His friend. It's just so amazing to have someone so Great and mighty to be your personal, close and best friend, whom you can confide in, talk to, joke with, trust in etc. God is just such a great friend. And it struck me even more during Sunday service when Pastor Mark shared about the close relationship Abraham had with God. It was then that i truly realised the meaning of a close relationship/walk with God. If that would be the case, i would be able to hear the very heartbeat of the ALMIGHTY God.

Yes, so that's my BIGGEST desire now.

Isn't it amazing, even after the amount of sins, and disappointments i have brought onto God, that He still lifts me up, speaks to me, comforts me, and brings me back to Him again? God you're just so lovely, and beautiful. Nothing i could ever say to describe your wonder.


Teach me, O Lord, to show mercy, grace and love.
Teach me not to depend on my moods, and instead to depend solely on your joy to run this race.

Revelation 2:1-7

To the church in Ephesus 1"To the angel of the church in Ephesus write:

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.


God reminding me not to forget the first love i had for Him, to rekindle that first love, that passion and that desire to see His name being lifted high. The passion for Jesus, so much so that it becomes a passion to tell others about Jesus Christ.


And yes, not forgetting the services spent at Heidi Baker's conference. It really changed my focus once again, smacked me right in the face with four words: 'Love God, Love your neighbours'. Although this was the theme mainly focused during this conference, there were other things that God spoke to my heart as well. Things such as faith and courage to take that bold step of faith to do the works of God, trusting and leaning upon His Holy Spirit.

During Altar Call and saturday night, i was quite shocked and thought i had spasms at first, but quite on the contrary. One of the leaders came to pray for me, and she kept asking God to 'fill me' with His love, with His courage so on and so forth. And just then i suddenly felt some thing run down my spine, like a jolt, and down to my tailbone, which then made me jerk upwards suddenly. I was like 'woah!'. And i knew this was not any normal occurance, i knew God was there, I knew He wanted to touch me so much, and I knew He had answered my prayers.

There was this other occurance on sunday night. I remembered asking God to be able to discern in terms of how others feel and to be able to see past the people's masks. Then during Heidi Baker's worship session, while she prayed for us to have our spiritual eyes to be opened, my eyes were closed shut and i was concentrating on God. I tried very hard to open them, but i COULD NOT. I'm serious, my eyes were just shut, and I heard that still voice in my head saying that God was working on my eyes, my perspectives, God was not done yet and that He was healing my spiritual eyes. I could not open them at all. It was only til after the worship session when I was able to effortlessly open them once again. It may seem unbelievable, but HEY, God is a God who makes ALL things possible.


Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for those instances where i could see your hand doing your works for us, your people. I pray that you continue to instill more of your love into our hearts so that we, in turn, may go out to bless the people in our nation. Lord use me. And Lord, i pray that you bring me back to the first love i had for you. Bring me back to the passions i once had for you, because Lord you deserve ALL THINGS, ALL PRAISES, ALL GLORY, and ALL HONOUR. Lord teach me to be fully dependent on your Holy Spirit, and i cry out desperately for my spiritual ears to be open so that i may hear so clearly from you O Lord.

Thank you O Lord, for your grace and mercy over my life. And Lord i pray you forgive those who say mean things about you. And even still, teach us how to make that stand, to protect your glorious name from being blasphemed. Sorry Lord for the times we have failed not to do so, but Lord from now on, give us the courage and the strength to make that stand for you.

All these in your name i pray,
Amen.

Dear Lord, i just want to thank you for all the grace and mercy you have shown to me even amidst my unfaithfulness. Lord Father, indeed you have taught me so many things.

During orientation, it thought me about leadership once again. It is as though i was stripped off my leadership so that i could learn new ones. God really just wants me to step out in boldness, to lead, to make the decisions and not always be the one who follows along.

God i pray you help me be more decisive.

Amidst the whole orientation, i found out that i was rather indecisive, having the inability to make good decisions for myself. I would either not make any decisions, or end up being fickle and keep changing them. God has showed these to me so that i can improve myself again.

Lord i thank you for showing me the truth, and i know that the plans you have for me are to prosper me.

Also, i've learnt the true meaning of judgementalism. Always we say it is not to judge. But that's too vague, no one applies it to their lives with just this simple definition. And so, God opened my eyes and showed me that judging also meant me putting a 'right' or a 'wrong' to people's reactions towards the situations only they are facing. Personally i felt that it was alright to do so, but during this orientation, the Lord showed me that i myself was pulling that person down only in my own perspectives, and even dragging others along with me when i go comment about it to others. Apologies for improper language, but heck, i'm sleepy.


And yes. Choices choices. To make the right ones.

Lord all i need is just to hear your voice so much clearly. To guide and lead me in my every day life. I lift up my life into your hands, use me.

In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.